Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
