My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
