it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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