Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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