Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
