just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
