is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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