I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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