What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
