Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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