i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
