I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
