The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
