The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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