I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
