??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
