Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
