I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
