OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
