dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
