I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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