At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
