im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
