I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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