Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
