I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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