She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
