was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
