look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
