I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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