I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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