I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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