2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
