i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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