What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
