What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
