escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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