I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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