I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
