the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
