Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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