we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
