Non-Jews are for practice
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
