he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
