how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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