you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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