I skipped work to stalk him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
