Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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