Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
