We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
