you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
