ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
